It’s 2 am

It is 2 am. I can’t sleep. Thoughts are flooding my head at a rapid pace and this seemed like the best place to sort them out. My mind is racing. The dim light from a desk lamp lights up my room and I sit here battling with myself. My thoughts and feelings are not matching up with one another tonight, but do they ever? I am on completely different pages with myself. My logical mind and emotional heart are not matching up. Do you know what I mean??

Happiness. Excitement. Love. Hopefulness. Lust. Desire.

Frustration. Sadness. Uncertainty. Panic. Discouragement. Anger. Disappointment. Anxious.

Can you really feel all of these things at once? I am going to have to say yes! Tonight, and for the last few nights, I find myself bouncing back and forth between all of them for a variety of reason. I am overwhelmed. Simple is that. As the tears stream down my face, I am finally allowing myself to feel everything I have been holding in.

Feelings are a funny thing, as much as we want to control them, we really can’t. Feelings are direct reactions to decisions and choices, made by both ourselves and by others. We live by the choices we make and are, without a doubt, affected by others. Keep in mind, others are affected by your choices as well! The good, bad, hurtful, inspiring, brave, and bold. We have no choice but to own them and accept them. All of them.

I can assure you that on nights like this, I have no clue what I’m doing. Nor did I expect that I would be replaying choices, decisions, or conversations over and over in my head. Yet, here I am. It’s 2 am. I can’t sleep. Thoughts are flooding my head at a rapid pace and this seemed like the best place to sort them out.

Did I really get anything sorted out tho?